Archive for Comedy Thoughts

COMEDY MATTERS SUPER ISSUE CELEBRATES 25 YEARS, WITH NIKKI GLASER, KEVIN HART, CHRIS DISTEFANO, D.L. HUGHLEY, SETH HERZOG, KRYSTYNA HUTCHINSON, PAUL RUDD, ALEX MOFFAT AND SO MUCH MORE!!!

COMEDY MATTERS 25th ANNIVERSARY

It may sound strange, but it wasn’t until I started writing about Seth Herzog’s 20th anniversary of his show Sweet, and acknowledging what an amazing achievment that was that I started wondering how long I’ve been doing Comedy Matters, and realized that I had started it in 1999, which made 2024 it’s 25 year anniversary of covering the comedy scene.

It’s been a few months since my last post and if you read on you’ll see why, so I’m going to briefly fill you in on what’s been going on in NY comedy thru the eyes of Comedy Matters.

TOM BRADY ROAST IS HUGE FOR NIKKI GLASER

Everyone totally crushed on the Tom Brady Roast. Kevin Hart was an amazing host and Roastmaster General Jeffrey Ross added to the hilarity with his never-fail killer jokes. That’s why he’s the Roastmaster General! Tony Hinchcliffe, Andrew Schulz, Tom Segura, Bert Kreischer, every single one of them killed. (Sorry if I left anyone out!!!)

But as a result of Nikki Glaser’s incredible performance roasting Tom at the very non-politically correct Roast on Netflix, she’ll be hosting the 82nd Golden Globes coming up on January 5th on CBS. I remember going to the premiere of the Nikki and Sara Live show on MTV back in 2013, when she had her own show with Sara Schaefer, and it’s so cool to see her reach superstardom. Nikki is a force. Her latest special on HBO, “Some Day You’ll Die” is up for an Emmy. She hosted and Exec. Produced F-Boy Island for three seasons which led to her hosting and Exec. Producing the spin-off “Lovers and Liars.” So major congrats to Nikki!

GROSSINGERS DOC DUE FROM BUNGALOW ENTERTAINMENT

The popularity of the Netflix hit The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel had led to a resurgence of interest in that era, the 1950’s and particularly about what was known as The Borscht Belt which were the incredible hotels in upstate New York like Grossingers, The Concord, The Nevele, The Raleigh and so many more.

Bobby Friedman the head of Bungalow Entertainment is producing a documentary on Grossingers, and it’s owner Jenny Grossinger who paved the way for powerful women in the entertainment business. Grossingers was one of the best known hotels, that even had it’s own airstrip to fly in the big stars that performed there. I was interviewed for the doc because I was at Grossingers at two different points in my life, … as a kid singing solo in a famous Hebrew choir that sang at the hotels for the High Holidays, and again as an adult writing comedy for many of the big stars that performed there.

My interview was to be held at a comedy club which turned out to be, where else but Chris Mazzilli’s Gotham Comedy Club where so many amazing things take place. Judd Apatow was just there doing a special show about a week ago. The doc is being directed by award winning director Paula Eiselt who interviewed me, with the assistance of Bennett Elliot and Catherine Rierson from Bungalow Entertainment. Can’t wait for it to come out!

WITH AWARD WINNING DIRECTOR PAULA EISELT AT GOTHAM COMEDY CLUB

UCB IS BACK WITH ASSSSCAT BETTER THAN EVER

In a never-ending list of things lost to Covid, UCB was one of them. Fortunately it’s back in a killer new location on 14th Street. Amazingly huge space. I attended the grand opening on Sept. 13th, and was pleasantly surprised to see Sasheer Zamata, Chris Gethard, and Zach Cherry among the improvisers. The host that night was James Austin Johnson from SNL. Improv may not be as reliable in terms of laughter as stand-up, but it may be the hardest thing in the world to do and they totally have my respect!

(L-R) Sasheer Zamata with a shaved head, James Austin Johnson in front and Zach Cherry in the rear with the glasses. Other names unfortunately are unknown to me! Send them in if you know!!!

CELEB PHOTOG MARCUS RUSSELL PRICE PRODUCING SHOWS

Marcus Russell Price is at every major comedy event shooting photos at the request of whoever is headlining the event. And it’s because he’s that good! I will always be indebted to him for shooting the two photos that appear below, at the exact second that I walked through the door at Carnegie Hall to congratulate Nick Kroll on his sold-out show, only to find out that due to Covid, they blocked everyone but me from coming backstage to see Nick, … even his family!

Nick thought it was so funny that he took out his phone and filmed it for Instagram. The only other person with him was uber-agent to the stars Mike Berkowitz of WME fame who was laughing hysterically at the fact that they didn’t let anyone in but me! When it comes to super agents you would be hard pressed to find a comedy superstar not repped by Mike. To name just a few, … Bill Burr, Hasan Minhaj, Nick Kroll, John Mulaney, Amy Schumer and John Oliver! To see Nick’s reaction when I walked into his dressing room click the link below!

So when I heard that Marcus was actually producing comedy shows at Lincoln Center there was no chance I was not going to attend. I was almost expecting him to perform but he just introduced the evening and each of the comedians. Both shows were great and sold out and I hope he decides to do more this coming year.

NEW YORK COMEDY CLUB TAKES OVER STAND UP NY LOCATION

Emilio Savone and Scott Lindner are killing the game. I think this makes five New York Comedy Club venues, and Emilio always makes sure that I get to attend every special event he does. They totally renovated the old Stand Up NY space on West 78th Street and had a grand opening. I particularly appreciated the huge green room they created downstairs where offices used to be. It’s always nice to have a cool place to hang before going up.

It was a star-studded line-up including two of my faves, Chris Distefano and Corinne Fisher who I absolutely love! Always so glad to see how well she’s doing. Her comedy partner in crime, Krystyna Hutchinson will appear in this column a bit further down. And I just got word as I’m writing this that Chrissy scored a Hulu special! Well deserved Chris!!!

COMEDY TIDBITS

I’m involved in something that could be HUGE thanks to the two guys you see standing with me below. No more can be said, but if it happens it will involve many of my big-time comedy friends so when D.L. Hughley was at Levity Live in Nyack, I made sure to stop off and ask him in person if he would be kind enough to participate. He said I didn’t even have to ask and that of course he’d be involved! A true friend!!!

We reminisced about the time he took me out to dinner to make sure I ate!

I was at Sheba Mason’s show one night at Three Monkeys waiting to go on when I heard them announce a comedian to the stage and I thought maybe I heard wrong. I was pretty sure I heard them say Greg Giraldo Jr. What a nice surprise to find out it was Greg’s son. I’m sure he knew already, but I got to tell him what a great, talented guy his Dad was and afterwards sent him some photos of his Dad and I from back in the day!

WITH GREG GIRALDO JR. A VERY FUNNY YOUNG GUY

We lost a great actor and dear friend Tony LoBianco and at the funeral service at St. Patrick’s I ran into two other old friends, comedy legend Joe Piscopo and radio legend Frank Morano!

Wound up on one of Victoria Arnstein’s shows with Mae Planert and saw what her husband Mark Normand did to her! (LOL) Such a nice girl! Major congrats to the expecting parents! I keep telling him how great it is to be a Dad!

WITH THE VERY FUNNY MAE PLANERT WHO IS “WITH CHILD” THANKS TO MARK NORMAND!

Got on an AA flight to Minneapolis to be a Keynote Speaker to 500 doctors on Happiness and as I boarded the flight, the main flight attendant yelled out, ” Hey Jeffrey!” Turns out it was Soo Ra a very funny comedian who’s in my new TV pilot “The Raw Side of Comedy.” I knew she was funny but never knew she was also a flight attendant for the past 7 years! I made her take photos on the plane!!!

Zeuses Muses an entertainment company hired me to do a show with funny comic Anna Manis at The Red Room above New York Comedy Club’s 4th Street location. It’s like a speakeasy, and it was part of a national tour. Very fun show!

“A Walk In The Park” the Woody Allen-ish type film I co-starred in with writer/director Noel Leon was chosen as an official selection for the NY Shorts International Film Fest slated to be shown on Oct. 14th, at the Cinema Village Theater, and if I’m lucky I’ll even get to see the final version beforehand! It’s a really sweet film about an unlikely friendship!

HOLISTIC COMEDY

Everyone’s heard the saying that laughter is the best medicine. Well because of my double career as a doctor (20 years on the Board of The Assoc. for Spirituality and Psychotherapy, 12 years on staff at NYU in Oral Medicine and Oro-Facial Pain, and 25 years as a Cosmetic Dentist) and an Amazon best-selling author with 8 books, three on Happiness, mindset and changing negative thinking to positive thinking, I’m getting asked to speak at holistic-type events bringing comedy into the mix.

In July I was the Keynote Speaker in Minneapolis at the Minneapolis Convention Center to about 500 doctors and the topic they gave me was ” Surviving A Career in Dentistry Using Positive Thinking and Humor”, and about a week ago I led a weekend workshop at the prestigious Omega Institute for Holistic Studies where Deepak Chopra speaks. Big honor! The topic they gave me was ” Heal Your Heart With Humor.” The middle photo below shows the line going out the door of people wanting to say hi and have me sign a book for them. I guess what I had to say resonated with them! (LOL) ( Humble brag!!!)

To help promote the event I went on WABC radio with my buddy Frank Morano on his hit show “The Other Side of Midnight”, i-Heart Radio with the amazing Xen Sams on her hit show “A Moment of Xen”, and had the honor of being the very first guest on Krystyna Hutchinson’s new podcast “The Voices In Our Heads” in her amazing new studio, and produced by my old pal Mike Coscarelli who’s producing a bunch of podcasts now. Krystyna of course is still doing “Guys We F**ked” with her comedy partner Corinne Fisher!

Even better Krystyna asked me to release her TMJ cause she’s been getting jaw pain from grinding her teeth from stress, and that just happened to be my specialty at NYU.

Got to exchange “best-selling” books with Mick Jagger’s girlfriend Melanie Hamrick and tell her my Mick Jagger story!

SWEET CELEBRATES 20 YEARS

I swear, … this is the last item. I can’t write anymore! Sweet is almost old enough to vote! Seth Herzog has achieved the impossible and kept a comedy show running for two decades. In next month’s column I will do a deep dive into the two shows he did at Chelsea Music Hall with owner Michael Ginsberg, but suffice it to say that both shows were amazing. I’m excited to say I’ll be doing Seth’s Halloween show on Oct. 22nd also at Chelsea Music Hall telling the scary story of my heart attack!

One show was on a Sunday night and the other was on the following Tuesday night. Huge crowds, and interviews were done for an upcoming documentary. Got to re-connect with Michael Ian Black, Todd Barry, who always makes me laugh hard with his sarcastic point of view, Jeaneane Garofalo who opened her set by giving away three pair of pants from a Target bag, and Richard Kind who improvised a song about people in the audience with Seth and Michael Ian Black. Michael and I co-wrote the very first interactive film for Sony back in 1992 called “I’m Your Man.”

In the Tuesday show it was Alex Moffat, Mark Normand, Paul Rudd, Justin Theroux, Richard Kind and more and I got to re-connect with the great Dave Hill who told me he loved my performance in Joe DeRosa’s video “Mouth On My Money”! Dave’s new one man show at the Soho Playhouse is called “Dave Hill-Caveman In A Spaceship”! Gotta see it real soon!!! Those photos in the next column coming very soon!!!

IF YOU’RE NOT TOO TIRED AFTER READING THIS WHOLE BLOG POST YOU CAN FOLLOW JEFFREY ON INSTAGRAM AT @JEFFREYGURIAN AND ON TICKTOK AT @JEFFREYLGURIAN SEE YOU SOON!!!

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STAR STUDDED GARDEN OF LAUGHS RAISES 2 MILLION BUCKS FOR KIDS

I had been waiting for weeks to cover the biennial “Garden of Laughs” at the Hulu Theatre at Madison Square Garden. It’s a star studded event that raises money for underprivileged kids and kids with disabilities. It’s produced by Rory Rosegarten of The Conversation Company and his team, and features some of the biggest comedy stars in the biz as well as many top actors. We were expecting Jerry Seinfeld, Bill Burr, Jon Stewart, John Mulaney, Michael Che, John Oliver, Iliza Shlesinger, Tiffany Haddish, Brian Regan, and actors Debra Messing, Lucas Hedges, Ansel Elgort, Michael K. Williams, Toby Leonard Moore, Gaten Matarazzo, and all hosted by 3 time host Steve Schirripa of Sopranos fame.

WITH RORY ROSEGARTEN PRODUCER OF GARDEN OF LAUGHS

A lot of people don’t know that Steve booked some of the biggest comedy acts when he used to book talent in Las Vegas, and he’s very funny in his own right. Not every star decides to do the red carpet so we’re never really sure who’s going to come out. It was slated to start at 6:30, so I made sure to get there at 5:30 to have time to set up because there’s no real schedule with a red carpet. It’s very stressful. Sometimes several stars come out at once and while you’re talking to one, another one you would have liked to talk to walks by. It’s also all improv. Some journalists come with stock questions that they ask each person. Not me! All my stuff is improv’ed on the spot.

I specifically had my videographer show up at 4 to pack the camera bag and make 100% sure we had all of our equipment.  We went over it together.  So imagine my surprise at 6:10 when he suggested that we do a mic check and the shock ran through my body when we realized we hadn’t packed the microphone.  I can’t describe the horror, and the icy cold feeling that ran through my body. Weeks of planning, and I’m on the red carpet with no mic.

The one thing you need to do interviews besides the camera and we didn’t bring it. I decided I’d have to run home and get it. But I live on the other side of town and it was rush hour. Perfect! I told my assistant to try and shoot some B-roll, and I ran out like a maniac, flashing my red carpet badge to security as I ran through one door after another. As I was running I tried to figure out which would be the fastest way to get home. Should I run back to 8th avenue to take the train, call an Uber, or just jump into a taxi.

I chose the closest taxi and just like in the movies I told the guy to step on it. I said I had to get across town and back in 20 minutes which was impossible. I turned on my WAZE and we got to my house at 6:26. I told him to wait in the downtown direction, jumped out of the cab, ran past my doormen, got the mic and ran back downstairs so fast that both of my shoes opened and I didn’t stop to re-tie them.

Just past 6:30 my assistant texted me that no one had come out yet. As we got closer to the Garden he texted me that John Mulaney was on the red carpet! Shoot! I was hoping he’d come out late but he came out first. Luckily my videographer had the sense to tell John he was working with me, and that I had to run home to get my mic, so John left me this hilarious message, which made it a little bit better!

Of course as we got near the Garden we got stuck in traffic, and every block seemed to take a year. Finally we pulled up in front, I gave the driver a big tip just like in the movies and ran back in, not expecting to have to go through airport-like security again. But I was wrong. Very wrong.  I flashed my badge but it did no good. I told the guy I had forgotten my mic and had to run home to get it and I was missing the whole red carpet but he wouldn’t hear of it. He said he had to do his job. The only man in Manhattan who had to do his job. And of course because I was so nervous I kept leaving something metal in one pocket or another and literally had to go through the metal detector about 10 times while the people behind me waited patiently.

Finally he let me through and then I first had to re-fill my pockets. By the time I got upstairs I had missed Mulaney and Tobey Leonard Moore from Billions who I would have loved to talk to, so I finally bent down to re-tie my shoes, and then Michael K. Williams came along. I loved Michael’s characters “Omar” on “The Wire” and  “Chalkie” White on Boardwalk Empire so I was excited to talk to him. He told me that working with Martin Scorcese was a dream come true for him and that he also works with kids from Garden of Dreams which is the charity itself that Garden of Laughs raises money for.

WITH MICHAEL K. WILLIAMS ON THE RED CARPET AT MSG

To tell you the truth I had never noticed that he had a scar that ran from his forehead right near his eye and down onto his cheek. Obviously I didn’t bring it up, he did. He said he was working with a young boy of 14 who also has scars on his face from an assault, and that he was able to give him some reassurance that he’d be okay. Michael told me he had been assaulted by a gang on his 25th birthday. Man’s inhumanity to man.

Rory Rosegarten came out and told me had been looking for me because he knows I always come early to these things. When I told him the mic story he said the exact same thing that John Mulaney said without having heard him say it. You can hear it for yourself in the video below. He was there with his family.  I was able to congratulate him on another successful show, and it was great to see him looking so healthy again.

Michael Imperioli who played cousin Christopher Moltisante on The Sopranos came out next, and we hadn’t seen each other in years so it was so nice to re-connect. He’s got a movie coming out with Nick Cage, and an NBC TV series based on the movie The Bone Collector, and when we inquired about each other’s health and I told him I had survived a heart attack he said he was sorry, and it sounded like he said he was sorry I survived. Funny!!!

WITH MICHAEL IMPERIOLI ON THE RED CARPET AT GARDEN OF LAUGHS

Bill Burr is always a great time on the red carpet and as soon as he sees me he starts yelling out things like “Oh no”, and “This is gonna be good.”  I told him I was thinking of texting him to let him know I was going to be there so he could think up some insults for me, but he said he didn’t need any advance notice because they just came naturally. He started out by asking me about my sport jacket and if I had gotten it at Woodstock, which was actually very funny.

LAUGHING WITH BILL BURR AT GARDEN OF LAUGHS

 

I asked him if he knew of the You Tube video called “Bill Burr Roasting People” which has over 5.4 million views and opens with he and I on the red carpet where he says he hopes I go bald so that one day we’re two old bald guys on the red carpet.” He said that not only does he know about it he hates that people think he doesn’t like me because he LOVES me, … and that made me feel really good.

I had sent him a recording that the late great Patrice O’Neal had left for me on my phone one night at 4:05 A.M. It was the first night we had done the Black Phillip Show together and Patrice was so happy with it he couldn’t wait to call me and so humbly suggested that we do a show together just the two of us. He said he didn’t want to assume anything, as if I might have said “No”, but unfortunately we never got to do it. I still get messages and e-mails from guys who track me down to give me props on my work on Black Phillip.  R.I.P Patrice. Btw Bill said he listened to it, and I hope he did cause it’s one of my greatest possessions, along with the phone message that Richard Lewis left me saying that some jokes I had written for him were “hilarious” and if he was ever going to use anyone else’s jokes it would be mine!

Bill’s interview went on so long that at one point he asked me if it was still an interview or just two guys talking on the corner! Then he offered me a $700. class he was giving on how to end an interview. He’s hilarious and the very best! And he’s off on a tour from Iceland to Israel!

Just when I thought it was over, I left the red carpet but luckily didn’t pack up yet when I saw Tracy Morgan talking to Bill Burr and went over to catch up with Tracy. His new season if his TBS show “The Last O.G.” was premiering that night and we had a few laughs on camera. He always says something so nice to me and this time he said, “You ARE comedy!”

WITH TRACY MORGAN AT GARDEN OF LAUGHS

Last on the red carpet was John Oliver who was going to be the very first presenter that night. I asked him if his kids were old enough to know that he’s playing Zazu the bird in the new remake of The Lion King directed by John Favreau due out this July.  He said his son is only three and he took him to a movie in which he did the voice of a porcupine named Steve.  He told him that was his Dad and his son said ” No it isn’t”, just like my Too Much Tuna sketch with Nick Kroll and John Mulaney. Anyway this little video is a recap of my adventurous day on the red carpet of Garden of Laughs.

Please feel free to “Like”, Comment and Subscribe and please share it with a friend.  On Twitter and IG I’m @jeffreygurian

 

 

 

 

 

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My Night With Leslie Jones

I think that everyone agrees that Leslie Jones is funny.  Not just because she’s on SNL but because she’s genuinely funny.  So when Comic Strip owner Richie Tienken told me she’d be appearing at The Strip I changed my plans and made it over there to catch her.  It was a 10:30 show, and when I arrived at 10:30 the line was so long and the entrance was so packed I could barely make it to the little office where Richie lives.

Richie Tienken and Leslie Jones in “the office”

That little office was at one time the coat room, but since I know it everyone in comedy has been in there, like Chris Rock, Eddie Murphy, Jim Gaffigan, and one time we had Ray Romano in there with five other guys and I think we stretched out the room to it’s capacity.  It really only accommodates approximately 2 people, and probably about a hundred something coats.

I fought my way to the office but Richie wasn’t in there and I was trapped by myself for a while until the crowd was seated. Then I found Richie and he told me to come outside with him where I found him standing with manager Tom-E and Leslie Jones.  It was raining and she had a hood on and I couldn’t see her hair and for a minute I wasn’t sure it was her.  It was definitely her!

Leslie, Richie and I went back into that little office to chat before her set.  Ruperto Vanderpool was hosting and I was thrilled to see the club so packed.  There was literally not a seat to be had.  It was like when Jerry Seinfeld taped his Netflix special this past year.  That kind of crowded. As a matter of fact that’s what rejuvenated the club.  Ever since that time, and then when Adam Sandler followed up taping his Netflix special there, the club has found a new life.

Jerry decided to come back to his original home where he spent the first four years of his career, from 1976-1980, and where he achieved the rank of permanent MC faster than anyone else had ever done. Adam’s taping was a secret kept from Richie until he arrived at the club that same night! Nice surprise!!!

The club had been Jerry’s home and where he met his best friend George Wallace who happened to be in town this week and was hanging out with Jerry.  I know this because I ran into them the night before this all went down.

Anyway there’s only room for two chairs in the office so Leslie sat, and I stood and we all took turns regaling each other with stories from the past about the club, about Eddie, and how he discovered Chris Rock one night around 1986, and how Leslie started out as a short order cook, and waitress, and started doing stand-up in a place in LA that Eddie used to frequent.

She recalled a story of seeing him years later and humbly telling him she never thought she did that well when he came in, and he told her that he thought she was ALWAYS funny!

Leslie told great stories of how she’s gotten everything she wanted. Through a lot of hard work! She also shared stories of how she got SNL, got to be a regular cast member, and how much fun she has doing the show.

She prayed for the manager she wanted and got him and she prayed for a writer and got Lenny Marcus who she’s thrilled with.  She and Lenny met down at The Comedy Cellar and she thought he was funny, so she invited him out to a baseball game, and then REALLY thought he was funny.  Then he started giving her detailed notes on her act that made sense to her, and now they work together on the regular.

They just did a big outdoor gig together in Times Square for New Year’s Eve. We also talked about how you can be doing stand-up for many years and still feel nervous before going out there, especially if you’re not on stage every night.  Leslie’s duties on SNL  take up so much time that she doesn’t get a chance to perform that much and she LOVES doing stand-up.  I shared the story that Jim Gaffigan shared with me that for the first 6-8 years of his career he got physically sick every time before he went on stage. Finally it went away.

So when Leslie went up to HUGE applause, (the room really went nuts), she went out there with some notes, and did her thing. She started out using some 20 year olds sitting in front as her foils, and worked into a smooth half hour of material.  Great physicality.  She moves and jumps around the stage which really builds the energy in the room. She keeps a towel handy to wipe off the sweat that builds up from the energy she puts out. She said she had only planned on doing 20 minutes but once you’re up there and it’s flowing and the audience is loving it, it’s hard to stop yourself.

At the end she closed with a new bit about a Time Machine, and how she wishes she could go back and talk to her 20 year old self, and how her 80 year old self would come back and talk to her 51 year old self, and it may have been new but it was masterful. Most comics like to leave the stage with a big laugh.  This was more powerful than just a big laugh. She left the audience laughing but with a very positive message about appreciating and enjoying whereever you are in life, and the applause she got validated that they got it and appreciated it.

Afterwards we got to hang out a bit at the bar and she and Ruperto reminisced about all the gigs they had played together in different places around the country. It was a very special night and she’ll be back next week before SNL goes back on the air.

I told her I’d bring her a copy of the book I wrote with Richie on the history of the club. The latest version is called  “Laughing Legends” and it features a foreword by Chris Rock, lots of cool photos from the past, and interviews with Seinfeld, Ray Romano, Colin Quinn, Jeffrey Ross, Jim Gaffigan, Susie Essman, Lisa Lampanelli, and so many more of the big stars that came out of this iconic club.

 

 

 

WITH D.L. HUGHLEY

WITH CHRIS ROCK

WITH DAVE CHAPPELLE

WITH JUDAH FRIEDLANDER

WITH HANNIBAL BURESS

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My Take On Bullying

Bullying seems to be a hot topic these days.  Not a day goes by when you don’t read an article in the paper about the effects of bullying, from a student committing suicide to a school shooting blamed on the shooter having been bullied.   What is it about us as human beings that causes us to be bullies?

The dictionary defines “bully” as “a person who is habitually cruel or overbearing, especially to smaller or weaker people.”  That makes sense until you consider that last October, of 2013, football player Jonathan Martin, at 6’5 and 300 plus pounds, walked away from his team for being bullied by teammate Richie Incognito.  If a 6’5″ 300 pound guy can be bullied I guess that ANYONE can be bullied!

And Incognito’s explanation mirrors what all bullies say, “I was just kidding around!”   He went on to say ” Jonathan’s lawyer says he experienced “a malicious personal attack,” but again, that’s because he doesn’t understand how our locker room relationship was. We’d carry on. We’re big, physical guys. I would put my hands on him, just messing around. Like head-butting. Give him a belly shot. Normal stuff, that’s all.”

We’re “big, physical guys?”  Is that an excuse for acting like a moron?   You get a pass based on your physical size?  Why does your size allow you to head butt someone?  Is that really a game?  That’s not even allowed in some forms of MMA, because it can be so damaging.  “A belly shot?”  I’ve always known that that’s how those guys think, but to hear them actually say it is still shocking to me.

Former Jets quarterback Vinny Testaverde talked about “bullying” and “hazing” of new players, and what goes on in the locker rooms, in an article in the NY Post, and said “When Chad Pennington was a rookie with the Jets, we made him wear his helmet to breakfast, lunch and dinner in the cafeteria one day.  That was kind of our prank or joke on him to welcome him into the NFL.”  Now MY question is what would have happened if you had just said ” Welcome to the NFL, we’re really glad to have you.”  Would he have been disappointed?  Would he have felt unwelcome?  Would he have felt like ” Boy I really wish they had done something mean to me, or at least made me look stupid!”

In all honesty I experienced the same “Jock” mentality entering Dental School!  And all these years later I still can’t figure out why.  It should have been a great honor to be accepted to a professional school and the doctors on staff should theoretically have gone out of their way to make the students feel that way.  Instead they did everything in their power to humiliate us, demean us, and take away any amount of self-esteem we might have had.

I was bullied from my very first day when the Dean made a speech to “welcome” the incoming students and said, ” We don’t want any hippies with guitars here.  If you want to be a hippy with a guitar go to Dental School in California!”  Then a certain Dr. Lantz , with a Pennsylvania Dutch accent, came over to me and told me to get a haircut, and continued telling me that for the next four years,  until literally the very  day he handed me my diploma.  As I approached the podium to receive my D.D.S. degree after four grueling years of work, all he could manage to say was ” Gurian, get a haircut!”

And if you saw the length of my hair in those days you’d know they were out of their minds.  I also had grown a moustache which was in style in New York in those days and that really threw them over the edge.  In those days in Philadelphia, if you wore a turtleneck sweater you were considered a radical, … an anarchist!  I was not allowed to see patients for three whole weeks which put me in danger of not being able to complete my clinic requirements, and therefore not be able to graduate.

Because I grew a moustache I was told by my faculty advisor that I was “a disgrace to the profession.”   Meanwhile the halls bore the paintings of the school’s founders all of whom had huge mutton chop whiskers and plenty of facial hair.

The only saving grace was that Dr. Lantz and Dr. Mingeldorff ( I’m not kidding, that was his name!), who actually had a Confederate flag in his office that said ” The South will rise again” found out that my father had served in World War II.   And the way they found out was because my Dad had come down to Philly for me to do some work on his teeth and to speak to them about not letting me in the clinic, and they refused to let me work on my own father, until he had a talk with them and it came out that he had been in the O.S.S. ( Officer’s Strategic Service).  Dr. Lantz’s exact words which were seared into my brain were, ” Your Dad served us well in World War II.”

That still didn’t get me back in the clinic but they did let me work on my father, since he had driven down from New York City to see me.  My Dad told them that he didn’t feel he could tell me how to look because I was almost a doctor. It took my mother buying me a wig, with short hair and a part, in order for them to allow me to see patients again.  And I had to appear in Dr. Mingeldorff’s office , and slowly turn in a circle so that he could examine my hair from every angle.  He seemed to have no idea that it was a wig, because several weeks later, he showed his true nature by telling me it was time to get a haircut again because my “hair” was once again getting too long!

This was the length hair that got me banned from Dental School, and forced me to resort to wearing a wig in order to graduate!

This was the length hair that got me banned from Dental School, and forced me to resort to wearing a wig in order to graduate!

The bullying in Dental School got so bad that in the class where we were being taught how to give injections in the mouth, I was in the middle of giving an injection to a patient over the upper front teeth.  I was doing my best to make it painless. The needle was already into the gum, and some moron instructor came by and said to me, “Put it in further, don’t be afraid”,  and he actually pushed my elbow so that the needle went in too far.  I remember the horror of that till this day, and if it happened now he would have been fired.  In those days we were too afraid to speak up.  Today I would have.

The torment I faced for those four years definitely changed me as a person.  I know it and I try and fight it on a daily basis.  To be openly humiliated by the very people you’re trying your hardest to join , is not something you ever forget.  I wrote on my apartment walls with crayon that they would NEVER break me.  I told myself that I would have the last laugh, and I did.  I had a very successful practice and I never participated in any of the alumni events or had anything to do with the school , or any of the other students, since the day I graduated.

I’ve been bullied throughout my life.  By construction workers who didn’t like long hair when it started back in the 60’s.  By random strangers who’d make remarks to me on the street about my appearance!  By neighborhood gangs growing up in The Bronx!  By powerless insignificant people who Tweet mean things to make themselves feel important.  I know how it feels to be made to feel like you don’t fit in.

Fortunately the entertainment world is a lot more inclusive.  They are used to free thinkers, and encourage that as it’s a sign of your creativity.  When you go into the Army the first thing they do is to shave off your hair because your hair is a symbol of your identity, and they don’t want you to have your own identity.  They want everyone to be the same.  Crosby, Stills, and Nash said it best a long time ago when they advised, “Let your freak flag fly!”   To this day if I hear them sing “Almost Cut My Hair” it can still bring tears to my eyes.  That’s how much I was bullied about my appearance. 

In recent weeks a 10 year old Brooklyn boy ran away and rode the subways all night to try and escape the constant bullying he experienced at school.  He was terrified to ride the trains all night alone, but it was preferable to the terror he experienced daily being bullied.  The NY Post reported that a  6′ tall high school female senior had her face slashed with a razor, just two weeks before graduation,  for the audacity of being pretty enough to be a model.   Where she went to school that was enough to deserve a slashed face.  She already had a promising modeling career that was cut short by the jealousy of a bully that attended her school.  She said they made fun of her for her height, but she tried not to let it get to her.  She was the only model in her school.

And another football player at Rutgers has accused one of the coaches of bullying him, which is the same school where men’s basketball coach Mike Rice was fired for bullying HIS players. The sporting field seems to be ripe with bullying since lots of sports guys have that same “jock mentality” I mentioned above, that belittles anyone without the right genetics.   Too many people take credit for their genetics, when it was really just a roll of the dice.

If you were ever one of the kids who got picked last when other kids chose up teams, you know the feeling.  I was considered a popular kid, and played a lot of different sports, but I often felt left out.

And the media bullies people too, as evidenced by the NY Post headline of May 7, 2014 about Monica Lewinsky, who is still trying to make a life for herself after being humiliated on a worldwide basis for being seduced by the President of the United States.  The headline read “After 10 years Monica breaks her silence”, and then it said “My life sucks” as if she said that.  I read the article.  Nowhere does she use the term “sucks.”  The clever press person who came up with the title thought it would be cute to continue the humiliation, while the guy who seduced her goes on to ignore an impeachment and is looked at as some great hero who makes millions of dollars giving speeches.

Bullying is bad enough when you’re a kid,  but you’re supposed to outgrow it.  When you’re still bullying people as an adult maybe you’re just sick and need help!

Posted in: Breaking News, Comedy Matters, Comedy Thoughts, General Information, Jeffrey Gurian News, Point of View, Politics, Self Help Information

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The Most Horrible Parts of the Body

The Most Horrible Parts of the Body

Early in June, 2014 the world went wild with stories about Rihanna, who on June 2, 2014 walked into an event in a see-through dress.  It was an event at Lincoln Center and she was there to receive a Fashion Icon Award from the Council of Fashion Designers of America, presented by no less than the editor of Vogue, Anna Wintour! Rihanna’s gown was created by designer Adam Selman with over 216,000 Swarovski crystals.    Her critics, including Andrea Peyser of the NY Post,  felt it should have had at least 216,002 crystals, with the other two crystals covering her nipples which could be seen through the sheer material. ( I tried unsuccessfully to upload the photos from The Post but WordPress didn’t let me!)

On Wednesday June 4th the NY Post wrote an article about the occurrence, with a photo of Rihanna with the area showing her nipples blocked out.  Two days later Andrea Peyser of the NY Post, ( same paper) wrote an article she called ” Hey, nip this nonsense”, with an unblocked photo of Rihanna’s nipples, but the “nonsense” she was referring to was not the nonsense of making a big deal out of seeing Rihanna’s nipples, but the nonsense of her doing such a  dastardly thing as exposing them to public view!

What is it about the nipple that is so horrible that you’re allowed to exhibit and expose every other single part of the breast but that part?   How can such a small patch of skin with a little bump in the middle inspire such insanity in people?  Who was it who made that part of the breast so taboo, that it’s considered a sin for anyone to see it?  is it because that’s the part of the body that Moms feed their children with?

In Europe, toplessness is considered kind of normal.  European men must be geniuses!  Somehow they managed to convince European women that they could go to the beach topless, and no one would notice!  Maybe they just promised not to look!  That makes European women either the most gullible women in the world or the most relaxed and enlightened!

There are some people who still haven’t gotten over the Justin Timberlake/Janet Jackson “Nipplegate” thing that happened back in 2004 during the Super Bowl in Houston, when 143.6 million people were titillated by the sight of Janet Jackson’s pasty covered nipple.  It was blamed on a “wardrobe malfunction!”  More than half a million people complained and some haven’t slept well since.  Most were women without nipples who were just jealous!

Back in the old days, burlesque queens and strippers wore pasties to cover their nipples.   Actually they still do!  And back when I was doing comedy videos for Playboy TV, I  had to audition girls from the strip clubs, and there was actually a time when they were letting them use clear, latex pasties that you’d spray on from a can.  You could actually see through them, but just the fact that there was something over their nipples was enough to get past the “no nipple” rule!

In this so called age of “equality” between the sexes, it seems there’s a real double standard!  You’re allowed to actually see men’s nipples, probably because they don’t do anything.  It’s a wonder that we have them at all.  I don’t think anyone’s ever found a real use for them.  But on a man the penis is the most horrible part that no one is ever allowed to see.  Now I’m not advocating that you should be allowed to see it or to show it to anyone, but it just seems strange from a comedic point of view, that there is a part of our body once again that is so horrible, disgusting, and obscene that you can actually be arrested for showing it to anyone.  It’s literally a crime to show someone your penis.  Unless they request a viewing!

Women have low cut tops, showing off most of their breasts.  At any fashion gala or even some spectacular event like the Academy Awards you see women with their breasts pushed up so high, they look like they’re about to pop out.  It looks more ridiculous than sexy! But again, there’s such a double standard.   Men don’t have low cut pants.  Fortunately there’s no such thing.  It’s not like you can show off the entire length of the shaft of your penis except for the tip, which would be the equivalent of a woman showing off her entire breast except for the center!

It’s funny that the two parts of the male and female anatomy used to either make children or feed them are the two parts people are shamed by and are illegal to show.  Where did that start?  Maybe back in The Garden when Eve ate the apple because the snake told her to, and man was given shame! We’ve been paying the price ever since, but for us comedy writers, it’s really just a big joke!

Posted in: Breaking News, Celeb Photos, Comedians In The News, Comedy Matters, Comedy Thoughts, Entertainment News, Fashion Events, Featured, General Information, Hot Models, Jeffrey Gurian News, Point of View, Stand-Up Comedy, Strange News, Unusual News, Weird News

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