Politicians Should Have Normal Names!

This post is in no way political.  It has to do with names.  Strictly names.  Names have power. As an example just think of James Bond.  When he introduced himself to people, especially women, all he had to say was “Bond.  James Bond.”  And women would swoon.  He couldn’t have gotten that reaction if his name had been Jimmy Binder.  Try it.  It sounds horrible.  “Binder.  Jimmy Binder.”

Jimmy is not a name for a President.  Think Jimmy Carter to help me make my point.  Jimmy is a name for a window washer, or a janitor, no slam on window washers or janitors, that’s just what you think of when you hear the name “Jimmy.”

In the Black community your “Jimmy” is your “Johnson”, so if your name is Jimmy Johnson, you’re totally screwed!

What brings me to talk about this were some of the names I read of the Republicans who might be running for President.  Mike Huckabee?  Jeb Bush?  Mike Pence?  John Thune???  Are you kidding me?

How are you supposed to beat a strong name like Obama, ( which rhymes with Osama, btw) with a name like Huckabee???  Huckabee is a name you might see on the old show Hee Haw.  The Huckabees, are not a family you’d want to see in The White House.  You’d expect to see The Huckabees with The Clampetts, maybe as a spin-off of Beverly Hilbillies, with a guy named Jeb Bush as the gardener!

C’mon, y’all, we’re going over to The Huckabees for a taste of that new moonshine they just made, and then we can sit around by the fire, and spin some yarns, while Jeb Bush plays the kazoo.   You can’t have a President named Huckabee!  The rest of the world will be laughing at us.

And now, President Huckabee, backed up by the little Huckabees, one playing the washboard, the other switching off between the comb and the spoons!

John Thune?  Is “Thune” even a legitimate name?  Does he play the bassoon? Newt Gingrich?  Are you kidding me?  Where do they get these names?  Aside from the fact that he looks like an elderly woman, Newt is the name for a lizard, not a President.  And certainly not The Pres. of The United States.

Mitt Romney?  It sounds like a made up name?  Mitt?  That’s what you use to catch a baseball!  When I was a kid there was a German couple who ran an icecream store and when you’d come in and order let’s say a vanilla cone, the guy would say ” Mit”???  That’s how he pronounced the word “with”!  Like the Katzenjammer kids, if anyone remembers who they were.

Mitt?  And I’d say, “Mit shprinkles!” because that’s what he wanted to know.  What do you want “Mit” the icecream?  “Mit shprinkles” of course!!!

And it’s not only Republicans who seem to have cornered the market on ridiculous names, it’s Dems too!  Steny Hoyer?  It sounds like something you could get on your leg!  You better go to a doctor.  I think you’ve got StenyHoyer!

Whose parents looked down on their baby in a crib and said, “You know what? Someday he’ll probably run for President.   Let’s call him “Steny”!  He’d make a great Steny, don’t you think?”  Aaaah yes, Steny, the name of many great men throughout history!  Not in this country.  Somewhere in the world maybe, but nowhere I know of!

Tim Pawlenty?  Tim is the name of a weakling. You think Tim you think “Tiny Tim”, not only from the famous Christmas story but from the lunatic who played the ukelele and got married to Miss Vicki on Johnny Carson 400 years ago.   Maybe he could find a running mate named Good and they could run as ” Good and Pawlenty”!!! ( a popular candy from years ago- Good and Plenty, for those of you who are newborn!)

The President of The United States should cut a dashing figure and have a strong name.  A powerful name.  I could handle a Mitch Daniels as a name, and Chris Christie is a fine name, but the best name I’ve heard come up so far is Rick Perry.

“Rick” is a cool name and “Perry” is like Steve Perry from Aerosmith.  Rick is the Governor of Texas, strong in his beliefs, and a good looking guy with a great head of hair, who’s not afraid to wear it so it looks stylish.  Unlike some of the other potential candidates, he doesn’t look like he needs hormone shots!

Most men, especially men in politics wear their hair like they’re embarrassed for having any. It’s almost like an apology.  Sorry I have hair.  I’ll try and wear it in a way you won’t notice!  Let me try and flatten it out, or grease it down, or maybe even cut it off completely!

They’re trying to convince Rick Perry to run for the Presidency, and on his name alone I think he could win!  I for one would vote for him in a second!