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Comedy Fundraiser at The Actor’s Temple

When Bob Greenberg puts a show together, he puts a show together! I flew back from LA just to be in it! (Well actually, I was due to come back that day, but one of the reasons I decided to return that day was to be in Bob’s show and to host the late show at The Comic Strip, which I do every Sunday and Monday!)

Bob Greenberg, Jeffrey Gurian, Sandy Ehlers, and Mike Fine at The Actor’s Temple!

There is a fabulous Temple on West 47th Street that each year is the beneficiary of a comedy event produced and MC’ed by Bob Greenberg, whose impressions of Jackie Gleason, Ed Norton, Oliver Hardy, and Stan Laurel just to name a few are killer! I’ve had the pleasure of performing with Bob several times and he’s always so funny!

The Actor’s Temple is actually Congregation Ezrath Israel, which was founded in 1917. The building we were in dates from 1923. Some of their former members were show business greats like Al Jolson, Joe E. Lewis, Sophie Tucker, Jack Benny, Red Buttons, Edward G. Robinson, and even my original sponsor in The Friars Club, Milton Berle. And to show you how powerful this Temple is, none of them were even Jewish! (LOL) Of course they were! In those days, EVERYONE was Jewish! (LOLOL)

Rabbi/Cantor Jill Hausman officiates at The Temple and she is the sweetest, kindest person you could ever want to meet. She thanked each of the performers personally with a big hug, which most comedy club owners don’t do! (Fortunately! LOL)

See if you can guess which ones are Stone and Stone, plus Mike Toro, and how did Mike Fine get in there again??? I guess he thought it was an open “Mike”! (LOL)

The place was packed so tight, you couldn’t even squeeze a Torah in there. We were packing them in by the “minyans!” And there were still almost as many comics as there were audience members! (LOL) This was Bob’s line-up in alphabetical order: Debbie Bazza, Ross Bennett, Sandy Ehlers, Mike Fine, Robin Fox, Joe Franklin, me – Jeffrey Gurian, Harriet Holloway, Rhonda Handome, Doug Kleiman, Dave Konig, Nancy Lombardo, Steven Scott, Stone and Stone, Mike Toro, and Doug Nervik. There were enough jokes to feed a village! And every single one of them did great!

Robin Fox, Ross Bennett and Dave Konig waiting patiently to go on at Bob Greenberg’s Comedy Mishagas at The Actor’s Temple!

Jeffrey Gurian of Comedy Matters TV with old pal Rhonda ( Passion) Hansome! I got her just before she left, … hence the coat!

(L-R) Debbie Bazza, Rhonda Handsome, and Nancy Lombardo at The Actor’s Temple!

It was especially great for me, cause I got to do a lot of my “Jewish” material, and I got to do it for Joe Franklin, who I don’t think had ever seen me perform, except as a guest on his show several times. Joe and I actually inaugurated a new radio show together last year!

Jeffrey Gurian of Comedy Matters TV with the legendary Joe Franklin. we were the first two guests on a new radio show from Alycia Kaback called “The It Factor”!

Joe Franklin performing at The Actor’s Temple, and to show you his dedication, he did all of his jokes in the original Aramaic!

I wanted to try and get a photo of ALL of the comics who performed but I didn’t have a wide enough lens! Actually they all scattered like a herd of wildebeestes, when a lion showed up at the watering hole, so I wasn’t able to get one! Hopefully next year, … in Jerusalem!

Thanks Bob for all you do!

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Abel Ferrara, Shanyn Leigh, and Willem Dafoe in 4:44

The film poster for Abel Ferrara’s 4:44 in theatres near YOU!

I don’t usually like to do anything of consequence the day before I leave on a big trip, but the day before I was set to leave for LA, to shoot some sketches with Nick Kroll, and John Mulaney from SNL, for Nick’s new show on Comedy Central, I got the opportunity to interview famed director Abel Ferrara, and actors Shanyn Leigh, and Willem Dafoe for Abel’s new film 4:44, about the end of the earth.

I had to do it! First of all, Abel is an old friend and I hadn’t seen him in a while. And second of all I didn’t want to miss an opportunity to meet Willem Dafoe, whose work I’ve always respected.

Jeffrey Gurian of Comedy Matters TV with writer/director Abel Ferrara!

One of the last times I recall seeing Abel was at a great Italian restaurant called La Mela owned by a dear friend of Abel’s named Frankie C. I just happened to have a shot of us together that night, which is a cool reason to ALWAYS take photos wherever you go!

Jeffrey Gurian from Comedy Matters TV with writer/director Abel Ferrara at La Mela!

Frankie C. has since passed on, but Abel, Shannyn, and I were there to celebrate some film event. Probably of Abel’s! (LOL) I think he was working on a project about The Chelsea Hotel at the time!

Abel always gets a strong cast of people. Good actors respect his work, and the list of his films is impressive, like “The Funeral”, “King of New York”, and “Bad Lieutenant.” He’s worked with Harvey Keitel, Christopher Walken, and Willem Dafoe just to name a few.

Natasha Lyonne was also in 4:44 and I was hoping to see her again since I did such a fun interview with her a few months ago. It was at a New Group event honoring Wallace Shawn, but I lost her contact information and was never able to send it to her! Unfortunately she was not able to attend this interview session.

Jeffrey Gurian of Comedy Matters TV interviewing Natasha Lyonne at a New Group event in honor of actor/director Wallace Shawn!

Jeffrey Gurian of Comedy Matters TV with actor/director Wallace Shawn at a New Group event in Wallace’s honor.

I really liked 4:44, even though the concept was “scary”, to use a childish type of word! (LOL) The entire world has accepted that it will end at 4:44 A.M. the next day and that there’s nothing that anyone can do about it. It shows how people spend their last night alive, particularly a couple who live on the Lower East Side, played by Willem (Cisco) Dafoe and Shanyn (Skye) Leigh. It’s a very wild concept, and Abel’s take was very realistic. People are confused. They don’t know how to react because they’ve never had to face certain death before! (Who has??? LOL)

It doesn’t seem real. It’s all going to happen instantaneously, and as a director, I was fascinated by his creative choices, all of which I liked. He also showed some fantastic news-type footage of people gathering in places all over the world, in candle-lit ceremonies, very often to pray, as in the throngs that were shown in St. Peter’s Square.

It also examined the theme of sobriety, since Cisco has been clean for two years, but in the face of certain death contemplates “picking up” and actually goes to score some drugs. I won’t give away what happens, but it’s powerful.

Abel was surprised to see me, and after the press thing we got a chance to hang out and catch up. It was funny when I went to interview Shanyn who besides being a talented actress is also Abel’s girlfriend, she looked at me and said, “I know you!”, and I reminded her that I was an old friend of Abel’s and that we had met before socially!

Willem Dafoe is such a great actor and I was very glad to have the opportunity to meet him.

Jeffrey Gurian of Comedy Matters TV with Willem Dafoe at The Regency Hotel for 4:44!

There will be a video interview to go with this as soon as I get it edited, but in the meantime, go see the film. It just came out, it’s in the theatres, and it got good reviews. I liked it a lot, and I’m sure you will too. It’s a reminder to treasure every moment!

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Artie Lange Serves Up Comedy Juice at Gotham

I had been hearing about Comedy Juice for a while. It’s one of the top live comedy brands in the world, producing hundreds of All-Star stand up comedy events each year, and run by a comic named Mark Serittella, who lives in LA. Comedy Juice has been called the best standup comedy show in the nation by sources ranging from Sirius Satellite radio to People magazine.

Comedy Juice has featured stars like Sarah Silverman, Daniel Tosh, Aziz Ansari, Dane Cook, and Marc Maron on a regular basis and has consistently been a place to discover new comedy stars before they blow up!

Now, every Tuesday night at 10 P.M. they’ll be at Gotham Comedy Club, so I went down to check it out, and was pleasantly surprised to run into my old pal Artie Lange who came in with a young comic named Chris DeStefano, who I know from performing on Yonah Grossman’s shows in the Vintage Lounge.

Helen Hong making people laugh during Comedy Juice at Gotham!

The show was hosted by Jared Logan who was very funny, and also on the show was Helen Hong who although she lives in LA now I seem to run into on either coast. Last week I was in LA and I ran into Helen, and then I’m back and she’s here too! And that’s a good thing. I love Helen Hong, or should I say “Herren?” LOL

Al Madrigal onstage at Gotham Comedy Club for Comedy Juice!

Besides Herren, they had Al Madrigal from The Daily Show, Rory Albanese, Chris DeStefano, and Donnell Rawlings. Unfortunately I missed Rory Albanese, the producer of The Daily Show, who is also a really funny comic. I first saw Rory perform at the South Beach Comedy Festival and he killed it. I was very impressed that a major producer was also so funny. When you have a serious job like that, the only reason you still do comedy is because you LOVE it! There’s no other reason to do it.

Donnell closed the show and was really strong. The audience loved him, especially Kristen J. Eddy ,the producer of Anthony Anderson’s Comedy Mixtape Show, who sat next to me and was laughing her little butt off!

Donnell Rawlings killing it onstage at Gotham Comedy Club!

Artie went up and destroyed the room. People love to see Artie Lange. He’s one of the only performers I’ve ever seen who got a standing ovation just by walking out on the stage. That was at Town Hall during the NY Comedy Festival.

Artie was very upfront about getting off heroin, and spoke about how different people try to give him advice. One guy suggested he start running to get a “runner’s high” which the guy claimed was better than heroin. Artie tried it and was like, ” I’m on my 8th mile. When does it start feeling like heroin?”

Then he convinced the guy to try heroin since he tried running and the guy got addicted to heroin, and wound up living under a bridge!

Artie said he used to be healthy, back around 1974. Now that he’s healthy again, he’s afraid he’ll die from an old time disease like Scurvy or something!”

Artie Lange dispensing laughter to the packed crowd at Gotham Comedy Club!

He did a lot of new material, which I never heard before like analyzing the lyrics to Biggie Small’s rap songs. And he also spoke to me about his new radio show with Nick DePaolo on Sirius Radio, weeknights at 10 P.M. on Extreme Talk XM 165. It’s a mix of sports and comedy.

The reason I missed Rory Albanese is because I was downstairs in the green room shooting a video with Artie. It was a rare opportunity and I couldn’t pass it up.

I really like Artie and I hadn’t seen him since he went to rehab so we had a lot to talk about, and we did it on camera. It was very cool, it ran about 20 minutes, and I’ll be posting it as soon as it’s edited. First I have to decide whether to keep it as one long film or divide it into two parts. People have such short attention spans these days, you may not even have read this post this far down!

Jeffrey Gurian of Comedy Matters TV backstage at Gotham Comedy Club with Artie Lange!

Anyway, Comedy Juice was a great show and I plan to become a regular! Maybe I’ll even get to perform one week, … who knows???

Check out www.comedyjuice.com and come check out the show in person!

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Young Talent At The Comic Strip

The Comic Strip is legendary for the people that came out of that club, like Jerry Seinfeld, Chris Rock, Ray Romano, and Eddie Murphy just to name a few. But the nice thing about The Strip is that it also develops young talent who are going to be the stars of tomorrow.

Two that come to mind right away are Pete Davidson who’s only 18 and Jordan Rock who just hit the magic age of 21!

Comedy buddies Pete Davidson and Jordan Rock backstage at The Comic Strip!

Pete is being mentored by Nick Cannon, who’s really taken him under his wing, which is such an incredible thing for a young performer, and Pete deserves it. He lost his Dad in 9/11, and turned his life to comedy. I’m sure his Dad is watching over him, cause he’s doing very well!

He has funny energy, meaning that when he hits the stage you WANT to laugh. He dresses kind of “gangsta” for a White kid, but he explains it by saying that all of his friends are Black. I get it! He’s authentic!

Pete was all excited ’cause he just got back from doing five shows in Miami with Nick, and Kase Glenn at The Miami Improv, while staying at The Mayfair Hotel. Pete opened the show. It was the first time that Pete had to fly to a gig and he told me a very funny story.

The day he was to leave, he had a 10 A.M. flight but didn’t wake up until 9. He threw his stuff together and tried to call a cab but they told him it would be an hour. He got the valet guy to drive him for double the regular price, and offered him an extra $20. if he could make it in ten minutes.

Meanwhile his Mom was calling and yelling at him for being late. He got to the airport at 9:40, ran to check in and found himself on a long line. Just as he was resigned to missing his flight, the Black security guard recognized him, and yelled out, “Hey, you’re that dude from the show!”

Pete said,”I guess he had attended one night, and fortunately I did well!” The guard let him right through and referred to him as “The White Hope!” The other passengers were already aboard, and Pete ran on as they were about to lock the doors. He said he made it by one minute!

I had that happen to me once after having been snowed in the first year of the Aspen Comedy Festival. I had been stuck there for five days, when they gave me less than 30 minutes to catch a plane. I was literally running down the runway with my bags to catch the plane, and everyone stared, and glared at me as I straggled on board loaded down with stuff, and then first had to try and get it in the overhead bins, while everyone waited and rolled their eyes. Very uncomfortable to say the least!

Jordan Rock works The Strip as conscientiously as both of his brothers did, Chris and Tony, and it shows in the quality of his work. Nothing replaces stage time in perfecting your performance. He also hosts the latenight shows on Wed, and Thursdays, and I host them on Sundays and Mondays.

I predict that you’ll be seeing lots of these guys in the future. I wish I had started that young, but if you get famous in your 20’s you gotta be funny for 60 maybe 70 years! That’s a long time. I only wanted to have to be famous for maybe 20, … 25 years tops! Needless to say, I’m still waiting! (LOL)

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My Excellent LA Adventure With Nick Kroll and John Mulaney

Some years ago at one of the many Friars Roasts I had written for, someone told this joke, ” Someone broke into the William Morris office this past weekend and stole a million promises!” Now it didn’t necessarily have to be the William Morris office. It could have been any agency, or entertainment group. The point was that in “the biz” people make a lot of promises they don’t keep.

Nick Kroll, Jeffrey Gurian, and John Mulaney! What we look like when we’re not in character! (LOL)

Not so with Nick Kroll and John Mulaney. Both had been telling me for quite a while that they wanted me to be in their “Oh, Hello” sketches. These guys have been friends since college at Georgetown,when John who was a Freshman when Nick was a senior, had to audition for Nick to be in the campus Improv group. They’ve been friends and writing partners ever since. It would be hard to find two nicer and more talented guys!

So anyway, one day I’m at home working with my assistants when the phone rings and it’s Inman Young, the producer of Nick’s upcoming show on Comedy Central, “The Nick Show Kroll”, which is due to come out this summer. He says, Nick asked him to call me and invite me to be in some “Oh, Hello” sketches, and would I be interested! Of course I told him “No”,and that I was insulted that he asked! (LOL)

Producer Inman Young, with Jeffrey Gurian on the set of “The Nick Show Kroll!”

What I actually told him was that I’d pay HIM to do those sketches, and how soon did he need me to be out in LA???

The funny thing was when I started getting e-mails from the production people who were handling the details, the e-mails were labeled ” The Nick Show Kroll” and I corrected the first couple thinking the person just had A.D.H.D. and switched the words around. No one said anything, but when they kept coming like that, I checked and found out that I was the moron and that the show WAS actually called ” The Nick Show Kroll.”

First day on the set was very exciting. They were kind enough to send someone to pick me up which was very nice and took away the fear that I wouldn’t find the location and I’d miss the shoot! That someone turned out to be Peter Moses, a guy working his way up in production.

My guide and driver Peter Moses on the set of “The Nick Show Kroll!”

When I arrived Inman was there to greet me, and was very accommodating. He has a ton of credits in producing comedy, from Mad TV, to the new film High Road, with Lizzy Caplan, to The Comedians of Comedy with Zach Galifianakis, and Brian Posehn.

They took me to my trailer at the base camp, (Yes, I actually had a room in a trailer!) where I could change and relax while waiting to go on set. Stage Manager Toby Burge made sure I had everything I needed, including a made to order sandwich before it was officially time to eat!

And both Louis Tocchet the 1st A.D., and Giselle Gurza Junco, the 2nd A.D., went out of their way to make sure I was comfortable at all times! Thanks guys!!!

This was a huge, major production, with a tremendous crew, and tons of locations. Most projects are happy to have a director at all! This one had a 1st and 2nd A.D.! (LOL) It all spoke to how much Comedy Central thinks of Nick Kroll.

Nick has such a great team behind him. I got to meet producer John Levenstein, who had been a writer, consulting producer, and co-executive producer for the hit show Arrested Development.

Then the hair and make-up people came over to say hello, and quickly realized they had nothing to do. I did let one girl touch my hair a little bit, but when I told her she was making me nervous, she said she understood and left! (LOL)

Then wardrobe came over, looked at the clothing I had brought, and quickly agreed that I did not need their services! (LOL) After all I was playing myself, so it behooved me to look as much like myself as possible.

I had actually met myself once, ( many years before!), and kind of remembered what I looked like, so it was easier for me to try and re-create that look than it was for anyone else to attempt it!

At one point I told John I had to go to my trailer and get into costume, and he said, ” Aren’t you already in costume?” And I had to admit that I had something a little more fun in mind. A nice pink jacket I had brought from New York!

Nick is so talented, I would actually put him in the category of my old friend Phil Hartman who was one of the most respected character performers in the business. Everyone on SNL always respected Phil as one of the best. I think with characters like Bobby Bottleservice, Fabrice Fabrice, and Gil Faizon, Nick will be seen the same way.

Phil Hartman and Jeffrey Gurian at Jeffrey’s piano in his living room, circa 1992, The Year of the Moustache!

I can not divulge anything about what the sketches were about, except to say they were “Oh, Hello” sketches, but I was in them not only with Nick, (Gil Faizon), and John, (George St. Geegland), but also with celebrated actress Karen Black, who was once up for an Oscar as Best Supporting Actress. She was so much fun to work with as well, and as the Director Jon Krisel, who created and directs IFC’s Portlandia with SNL’s Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein, allowed us to improvise a bit, she wound up calling me “Galvani”, and in doing so afforded me an extended bit in the sketch we were doing.

Jeffrey (Galvani) Gurian, Gil Faizon, Karen Black, and George St. Geegland on the set of The Nick Show Kroll!

Jeffrey Gurian with director Jon Krisel, who also co-created and directs Portlandia with Fred Armisen, on the IFC Channel!

The second day of the shoot, I got there in time for lunch and was pleasantly surprised to find myself in the company of Ed Helms, of The Hangover movies and his newest one just released, ” Jeff, Who Lives At Home”, by Mark and Jay Duplass. In an earlier Comedy Matters TV video,at Comedy Central’s First Annual Comedy Awards, Mark promised me a part in “Jeff” although it had already been shot, edited and wrapped! (LOL)

Also on set was Jason Mantzoukas, who plays Rafi in FX’s The League, and will soon be co-starring in the new Sacha Baron Cohen film “The Dictator” which everyone is excitedly waiting to see, Adam Pally who plays Adam Blum in ABC’s Happy Endings, Jon Daly from the UCB group Mr. A$$, who is also a producer on Nick’s show, and all around “macher”, ( which is a very technical term! LOL), Owen Burke from UCB, Seth Morris a comic/sketch guy from TV and films, who also writes for this new Nick Kroll show, and Brian Huskey who plays Chet on Adult Swim’s Children’s Hospital, and is a regular on the Onion News Network.

Jeffrey Gurian of Comedy Matters TV with Ed Helms, from The Hangover movies and Jeff, Who Lives At Home!

Jeffrey Gurian of Comedy Matters TV with Jason Mantzoukas of The Mantzoukas Brothers, and The League on FX! ( Wait till he hears about the battery-operated beard I invented! He’s gonna love it!) )

Most of these guys, ( if not all!), are UCB guys, who know and like each other and happen to be on the “hippest”, most cutting-edge shows on the air. It was quite a crew, and they all made me feel very at home. As a matter of fact, I can’t tell you how many people on Nick’s team did their homework on me, and were familiar with things I have done. Ed Helms in particular was very kind and generous, and shared a very cool story with me which will be for a future post.

The reason I say he was kind and generous is when we broke for lunch, the entire table was filled with all the guys, so I sat down at an adjoining table by myself, which happened to be in the direct sun! In LA that’s HOT!!!

It almost felt like high school again in the cafeteria when you were hoping to sit with the cool kids, but there was no room. I’m older now and more grounded,( hopefully! LOL) so it wasn’t exactly the same, but Ed looked over and said, ” Jeff, you’re gonna melt over there. Come and join us!”, and he moved over and made room for me next to him. That is the sign of a kind, caring, and gracious person! It may seem like a small thing but it was a HUGE kindness! Thank you Ed!

Jeffrey Gurian of Comedy Matters TV with Ed Helms on the set of Nick Kroll’s new show on Comedy Central!

Seth Morris and Owen Burke on the set of The Nick Show Kroll!

Lunch with the boys, (L-R) Brian Huskey, John Mulaney, Adam Pally, Jon Daley, Joe Mande, Jeffrey Gurian, Jon Krisel, Nick Kroll, Jason Mantzoukas, and Owen Burke! Ed Helms had to take a call!

All I’ll say about the second day of shooting was that it involved a lot of tuna fish, and I personally came away smelling not too good, unless you’re the kind of guy who likes the scent of tuna fish!

In my sketch, I also had to try and keep up with Nick and John which was hard because they’ve been bouncing stuff off each other for years, and have so many inside jokes. We got good feedback from the people present, so I think, (and HOPE!) it came off well!

After the shoot, we shot a little video for Comedy Matters TV with Nick and John in character as Gil and George and it was HILARIOUS! It will be posted as soon as it’s edited, so stay tuned!

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Thank G-d For Lisa Lampanelli! (Explanation to Follow!)

Lest my title sound a tad dramatic, let me explain! In a day when the NY Post, ( Monday March 26th, 2012, p. 5) runs a story about political correctness running wild in our city schools, which have banned mentioning references to seemingly harmless words like “wealth” “dinosaurs”, “birthdays”, and even “Halloween”, on city-issued tests, you have to be grateful that there’s someone like Lisa Lampanelli who has the courage to challenge this type of B.S.

Lisa Lampanelli entertaining the folks at Gotham Comedy Club!

You can’t even mention “swimming pools” or “computers” because kids who can’t afford those things might feel bad. Did they ever think that it might also encourage them to work hard so that someday that CAN afford those things?

They refer to it as “economic sensitivities.” This kind of so-called “correctness” sounded like a joke when they first started, and can be great fodder for comedians, but it affects our lives greatly. And NOT in a positive way!

Soon everyone will be absolutely silent. No one will be able to speak at all for fear of offending someone in some way, or possibly bringing some uncomfortable thought to mind! As long as you don’t dare offend criminals or terrorists. That is a high priority, because most criminals and terrorists are very sensitive people, and could be easily hurt by the wrong word or phrase!

One of the beautiful things about comedy is that it has the power to bring people together. People laughing at themselves first, allows them to be able to laugh at each other. It’s all in good fun. Lisa has made even the “C” word acceptable, and I’ve heard her use it to refer to her own mother, … while her mother was present! Lisa not only talks the talk she walks the walk!

Lisa Lampanelli with Jeffrey Gurian of Comedy Matters TV after her killer performance at Gotham Comedy Club!

Political correctness is killing us. It divides us and makes us hyper-sensitive to almost anything people say. There’s a great saying I once read somewhere, (and I wish I remembered where! LOL) that states, “Your ego always wants you to be offended. It actually demands that you’re offended. And when you live your life that way, you’re at the mercy of every stranger that crosses your path!”

You give every person the power over you to make you feel insulted or uncomfortable. That’s too much power to give away. People can tell when something is meant as a joke or comes from hate. All you have to do is see Lisa to know that she comes from a good place. She makes fun of herself as much as she makes fun of anyone else. So when she calls an Asian guy “Ching-Ping”, or every Spanish guy “Hector”, or makes fun of the gays, who she raises money for constantly, and who love her, the audience howls with laughter because she does it with love. She comes from a good place.

We need more like her, not necessarily that everyone has to use the “C” word, but she makes people laugh at themselves and not take things so seriously. No one of us chose our race, or ethnicity, any more than we chose our genetics. It was given to us. You get what you get, and that’s it! With so much hatred in the world, we need to break down the barriers, not create more of them.

Go to any of Russell Peters’ shows and see how multi-cultural his audience is. I call him “The Messiah of Comedy” because he makes every ethnic group laugh at each other and he does it by imitating them perfectly.

When did it become an insult, or racist to imitate an accent? Accents are real. People have them. We hear them. Do we have to make believe that we don’t? Therefore, talented people who can imitate them do. I wish I could. I talk about accents in my act. Especially the Chinese accent, which to me has to be one of the most unusual and non-sexy accents in the world.

You will never hear a woman say, ” When he speaks to me in that Chinese accent, I can’t control myself!” You could live to be a thousand, and you will NEVER hear that!

Anyway, when I heard that Lisa would be making a guest appearance at Gotham Comedy Club in a fundraiser for a Manhattan school P.S. 11, I knew I had to show up. P.S. 11, also known as The William T. Harris School, is a public elementary school located in the heart of Chelsea at 320 West 21st Street, known for it’s diversity. They should probably come to Lisa to make up the test questions! (LOL)

Barry Weintraub was the MC which was a great choice since Barry is one of the best. Wali Collins killed it especially when he went into how Black people name their children. He himself once dated a girl named La-ah, which he was shocked to find out she pronounced Ladasha!

Wali Collins onstage for the benefit for P.S. 11 in Chelsea!

Aside from making appearances all over the country, Lisa is also currently being seen on NBC’s Celebrity Apprentice, where she always tells it like it is, no matter who gets in her face. She claims to have gained 2o pounds on the show, and said she’s a five o’clock shadow away from looking like Chaz Bono! Although I can tell you that Lisa looks more elegant than ever, and I know her a long time! Success does wonders for people!

She kids her husband Jimmy Cannizzaro a lot, but he has a great sense of humor and takes it like a man! She said she flew in for this gig, but couldn’t sit next to Jimmy cause she flies first class! Everyone should fly with Jimmy. You’d definitely feel safe! The man is his own private plane! (LOL)

Lisa is loved on the show as was evidenced by the fact that sitting with her and her husband Jimmy, were Donald Trump Jr. and his wife Vanessa.

Vanessa trump, Don Trump Jr., Lisa Lampanelli and her husband Jimmy!

If there was a magazine called “Perfect Gorgeous Couples” they would be on the cover. The two of them absolutely shine, in a very humble unassuming way. I was so glad to see them cause I hadn’t seen them in a while. I first met them when they were engaged, and Vanessa told me they just had their third child 5 months ago. You’d never know it to look at her. Don looked trim and tan, which I guess works well since he’s on TV every week as one of the advisors and boardroom judges on Celebrity Apprentice along with his Dad, and sister Ivanka. Brother Eric also takes part from time to time as a task advisor or boardroom judge.

Vanessa Trump, Jeffrey Gurian of Comedy Matters TV, and Don Trump Jr. at Gotham Comedy Club!

Don also writes a very detailed Blog post on what went on on Celebrity Apprentice called ” In The Boardroom” on the NBC.com website. I’ve been telling him for years he should get into comedy, when I wanted to write his material for the Friars Roast of his Dad, back in 2004, which preceded the Comedy Central Roast. So when I saw him with Lisa I said, ” You see, I told you you’d eventually be involved in the comedy world, … in one way or another!” And we all had a big laugh!

I had met Don Jr. and Vanessa originally when they were Ambassadors for Operation Smile, a fantastic charity that brings plastic surgery for cleft palates and cleft lips to poor children all over the world. Don has been on the Board since 2007. I was a guest at an event they were at, we struck up an acquaintance, and have stayed in touch. I’m happy to say that he reads Comedy Matters and I’m planning to do a video interview with him and Vanessa sometime in the near future.

Comics like to follow a comic who does well, but not too well! How anyone can follow Lisa Lampanelli onstage is a miracle, because Lisa destroyed the audience, but Mike Vecchione managed to do it. He is just so funny and really one of my favorites. I often have to follow him onstage at The Comic Strip, and I say to him, ” Did you have to be THAT funny? Was it really necessary to be THAT funny? How am I supposed to follow that???”

Mike Vecchione making people laugh as usual at Gotham Comedy Club!

Mike, who says he looks like a nasty Staten Island, racial-profiling kind of cop, ( and he does) talks about his inability to work as an undercover cop. ” Well, if I LOOK like a cop, then chances are I won’t be that effective as an undercover cop.” On being tased : A taser is a weird weapon. Kind of like a mixture of a weapon and an energy drink. When you first get tased, you think you’re gonna get a lot done today, but then it hurts a lot!( Sorry Mike for the para-phrasing! LOL)

Mike’s soft low-key delivery, combined with his fantastic writing is what really makes him special. He will definitely be very big in the business!

In line with Lisa’s type of material he asked the Asian people in the crowd, “Who do you like better, Jeremy Lin, or General Tso? Both are number 17!” That is hysterical! I think it’s funny that his own people can’t say his name. They call him Jelemy Rin!

Most comics try to end on a strong joke. Every time I thought Mike was ready to end, he topped that strong joke with an even stronger joke. He’s really such a great performer, and the nicest guy!

It was an AMAZING show, which raised a lot of money for the school. I had hoped to shoot a little video with Lisa afterwards, but she had to run, so we will definitely do that soon. Jimmy said he’ll be in it too! She also has a one woman show coming up that we have to talk about as well! ( Lisa, Tweet the shit out of this Blog post! LOLOLOL )

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Multiple Shows at Broadway Comedy

In most clubs you’re glad if they have one show. Broadway Comedy offers at least two and sometimes more! Standing out front I ran into Aaron Haber who produces shows at The World, the sister club which adjoins Broadway Comedy, also owned by Al Martin.

Aaron produces shows featuring new talent at The World, produces the monthly comedy show at the legendary Friars Club in NYC, teaches comedy at Princeton, and is the editor-in-chief of www.evilnewsdaily.com, a blog written by supervillains. So on my way to the main show in the downstairs room of Broadway, I stopped in to The World to see what was going on.

Comic/Producer Aaron Haber standing guard at Broadway Comedy Club!

The room was pretty full for a Wednesday night, and everyone was laughing, because new comics are funny too. They just need stage time, and this is one of the places they get it!

The downstairs show had a great line-up. Ricky Velez was the MC, and he’s always funny. If he has a kid he wants him to have Diabetes, so it’ll be harder for a pedophile to lure him into his van with candy.

Ricky Velez hosting the show in the main room at Broadway Comedy!

Then there was Sam Morrill, who I’ve performed with many times. I like his laid back, easy delivery, and clever punchlines. He discussed manners during sex. He was having an interlude with his girlfriend when he urged her to go faster. Her response was ” Please”! She requested him to say “Faster please.” He was like, ” Now I have to have manners during sex? I’ll tear that ass up, … if I may! With your permission!”

Sam Morrill onstage at Broadway Comedy!

He was taking a girl home from a bar and she asked him, “you’re not gonna kill me are you?” When he said ” No” she agreed to go home with him. He was like, ” That’s your screening process? I’d have to be a terrible killer to admit I was going to kill you just by you asking me!”

Nore Davis took the stage next. Nore is a very funny young comic, and lately has been opening for Tracy Morgan. I like when he tells about getting his own apartment and he gave the landlord his entire savings of $1300. for his first month’s rent. The next month the guy came back and asked for another $1300! Nore was like, ” Do you have any idea how long it took me to save up a thousand dollars? And you want $1300. every month? That’s 32 billion dollars a year!”

A young, but experienced Nore Davis doing what he does, onstage at Broadway Comedy!

Joe DeVito is always funny and a favorite of mine. He has a friend who does nothing but talk about his i-Phone. He told Joe they could even watch a movie together on it. Joe was like, ” What would those circumstances be like? What would we do, watch cheek to cheek on a 4 inch screen?

Funny guy Joe DeVito onstage at Broadway Comedy Club!

He also talked about the new condoms that heat up while you’re wearing them. “Who is that for? The guy who likes safe sex, but misses that burning feeling?”

Mike Vecchione is another favorite of mine, and I could watch him perform every night without getting tired of seeing him. When he thought the audience wasn’t paying enough attention, he started telling his jokes at a very fast pace, until they DID start paying attention!

He feels like every person in the world should have to take a standardized citizenship test, and the results would determine what country you had to live in!

“Staten-Island Cop”-looking Mike Vecchione killing it onstage at Broadway Comedy!

He got a Taser instead of a gun and his favorite place to Tase people is the Renaissance Fair. It makes him feel like a wizard from the future!

Harrison Greenbaum closed the show. Harrison is also a big talent. I had him on my Diabetes comedy fundraiser last year, and he killed! He has a one man show called “Harrison Greenbaum – What Just Happened”, which is a mix of his stand-up and magic, that debuted to a sold out crowd at UCB in 2010. He’s also a talented magician. It’s the show he’ll be doing this summer at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival in Scotland, but next week,April 3-5th, it will be playing on 42nd Street and 8th Avenue at the Dan Sperry Theatre inside of Times Scare. Check it all out at http://www.whatjusthappenedshow.com

Harrison Greenbaum and Jeffrey Gurian of Comedy Matters TV!

And check out Broadway Comedy on West 53rd Street if you’re in the mood to laugh your ass off, and have fun food and drinks!

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Mark and Jay Duplass Score With "Jeff Who Lives At Home"

In 2002, Mark and Jay Duplass, writer/director brothers from New Orleans, were ready to pack it in. They hadn’t been having much success, until they decided to make one last try where Mark improvised a character having a breakdown while trying to record a message on an answering machine. This short film called ” This Is John” made it into Sundance, and got them representation, leading to two feature films.

(L-R) Jay Duplass and Mark Duplass, brother writer/directors at the press junket for Cyrus starring Jonah Hill, John C. Reilly, and Marisa Tomei!

Isn’t that the greatest story of synchronicity you ever heard? ( Well at least one of them??? LOL)

Just when you’re ready to give up, The Universe steps in and brings you the inspiration you need. They went on to make “The Puffy Chair” in 2005, followed by “Baghead” a horror/comedy which they made in 2008.

I met them at a press junket for their award winning film Cyrus which they made in 2010, with a fantastic cast, starring Jonah Hill, John C. Reilly, and Marisa Tomei, and got a really fun interview. Cyrus was the official selection at the SXSW Film Festival that year.

Jeffrey Gurian of Comedy Matters TV with Academy Award winner Marisa Tomei!

A short time later, I ran into Mark and his beautiful actress wife Katie Aselton on the red carpet of the Comedy Central First Annual Comedy Awards, where Cyrus was up for four awards, Jonah Hill for Best Actor, Mark and Jay for Best Comedy Director, Best Comedy Film, and Best Writer.

Jeffrey Gurian of Comedy Matters TV interviewing Mark Duplass and Katie Aselton on the red carpet of Comedy Central’s Comedy Awards!

Katie Aselton with husband Mark Duplass showing Jeffrey Gurian of Comedy Matters TV how many awards Cyrus was up for!

During the interview which you can see below, they told me about their next film called “Jeff Who Lives At Home”, which I thought was going to be about me! At least Katie said it was! It also has a fantastic cast, starring Ed Helms, Susan Sarandon, Judy Greer, and Jason Segal, as the “Jeff” character, a 30 year old stoner who still lives at home with his Mom, and obsesses on the concept that our lives are controlled by fate. It’s a black comedy!

Mark assured me that even though it was wrapped and edited, he was still going to find a place for me in it! Maybe he meant in the audience! (LOL) You watch and see for yourselves!

Mark Duplass and Katie Aselton laughing assuring Jeffrey Gurian of Comedy Matters TV that they would get him a part in “Jeff Who Lives At Home” despite the fact that the film was finished! (LOL)

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Me and Arnold Schwartzenegger at SNL

I read an item about Arnold Schwartzenegger today on Page 6, something about him trying on a watch with a huge face, (which I’m sure he can handle),and then something about his recent shoulder surgery, but it made me think of one of the funniest stories of my career, when I met Arnold many years ago at SNL, and then wound up writing some jokes for him to do on the Mike Douglas show.

Growing up, I had always been a big fan of body building. I never had the genetics to succeed at it, but I read the magazines, and was fascinated by the sport. I was also fascinated by unusual names so when a friend told me about a young guy named Arnold Schwartzenegger, I thought it was a joke. I think his last name translates to mean something like ” Black-Black”!

I soon found out that it wasn’t a joke, and I became a big fan. He was absolutely immense and his nickname was “The Austrian Oak”! As time went on, I got married and I used to say to my wife, “Please don’t ever let Arnold Schwartzenegger insult you, because I’d hate to have to fight him.” It was kind of a standing joke between us.

A couple of years later, when SNL was new, I went to one of the early shows with a girl named Kathy Jonas, the daughter of famed comedy manager David Jonas, best known for managing Freddie Prinze Sr., and Alan Zweibel. As we walked in, in those days you had assigned seats. I don’t think they do that anymore. Anyway, we walked to our seats, and who was sitting in MY seat? None other than Arnold Schwartzenegger. I almost fell down. I was wishing my wife was there to share the experience with me. I recognized him from his photos in the magazines.

Anyway, I gathered up my courage, walked over to him and said ” Excuse me, aren’t you Arnold Schwartzenegger?” To which he said, “Yes.” I said, ” Well I’m sorry to tell you, but you’re in my seat!”

He jumped right up and was so apologetic. He was so kind and humble and apologized profusely. And I was thinking, “Life is so bizarre. (Or at least MY life is so bizarre!) I just asked Arnold Schwartzenegger to get out of my seat. And he did!!!

I told him I was a comedy writer and a big fan of his. I think Pumping Iron either just came out or was about to come out, and he said he needed some comedy material to do on the talk shows. We exchanged information, but didn’t connect for a while.

Then after Pumping Iron came out, I heard he was doing some kind of book signing at a bookstore in Westchester, not far from where I lived. I went over to see him, and we spoke again, and once again exchanged information, and this time I wound up writing for him for an appearance he did on the Mike Douglas Show.

Somewhere in my memorabilia, I still have a letter from him on his Golden Oak Productions letterhead. At least I think it was called Golden Oak. I have a feeling that was the precursor to Oak Productions which he created in 1985.

It’s going back a long ways! I wasn’t carrying a camera in those days like I do today, so I don’t have a photo of us together, because there was no such thing as small digital pocket cameras in those days. Cameras were huge, needed film, and lights, and definitely did not fit into anyone’s pocket. But even without a photo, it’s an experience I’ll never forget.

It makes me want to search my house to find it, but that’s probably just because I’m in the midst of a huge project and my ADHD is telling me to divert my attention to something less important! (LOL)

In more recent years, I had another connection to Arnold. Back in 2004, David Pecker, the billionaire who owns American Media and many magazines and newspapers under that vast umbrella, bought Muscle and Fitness and Flex magazines, and went into an association with Arnold, who was supposed to be an advisor, and editorial contributor. I was asked to write some humorous remarks for David to say at a big press event entitled “The Arnold Classic”, announcing their association, and this was part of what I wrote for David to say, in which he was comparing himself to Arnold:

“And in terms of comparing our experience in the world of fitness. Basically, I am to the world of bodybuilding what the legendary Luciano Pavarotti is to the world of pole-vaulting.

I am to the world of fitness, what the great Mike Tyson is to the world of speed-reading, … what George Bush is to the world of cliff-diving, what Al Sharpton is to the world of modern dance, and what the legendary violinist Itzhak Perlman is to the world of porno films.”

That’s all folks!

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Comedy at Cha-Cha’s

If there is such a thing as the mayor of Little Italy it has to be Cha-Cha. Cha-Cha and I go back so far, I even know his real name, … John Ciarcia. But to everyone else in the world, he’s just Chach! And his eponymous restaurant on Mulberry Street, Cha-Cha’s In Bocca Al Lupo, has always been a hangout for bigtime actors, who Chach has worked with, and befriended over the years. Everybody loves the guy!

Cha-Cha and Jeffrey Gurian from Comedy Matters TV hanging out watching the show from the best table at Cha-Cha’s!

One night I popped in and ran into Danny DeVito, with his wife Rhea Perlman. Another night it was Abel Ferrara.
In the video below you’ll see me with Cha-Cha on the red carpet of the Soho Film Festival at an event in honor of actor Frank Vincent, also a regular on The Sopranos.

Cha-Cha’s been in movies, and on TV, and he was one of the regulars on the Wiseguy Show in Sirius Radio, Raw Dog 104, with Vinny Pastore as the host.

Jeffrey Gurian of Comedy Matters TV with Vinny Pastore up at The Wiseguy Show on Sirius Radio!

The rest of the cast of The Wiseguy Show with Jeffrey Gurian of Comedy Matters TV, and guest comic Janice Messitte, ( the pretty blonde girl), next to announcer Brooklyn’s own Joe Causey on the far right!

I was at the premiere of a film he produced called “Men Lie” which was pre-Sopranos that starred people like Frank Vincent, Tony Sirico, Aida Turturro, Michael Imperioli, and Tony Darrow all of whom would become major players on the hit HBO show “The Sopranos”.

Jeffrey Gurian of Comedy Matters TV with his old buddy Tony “Paulie Walnuts” Sirico at an event in NYC!

Jeffrey Gurian of Comedy Matters TV with actor/director Michael Imperioli at the premiere of his film “Hungry Ghosts” at the Quad Theatre in 2011!

I would always see him and his lovely wife Karen at all the Friars Roasts, and he’d always be backstage in the Green Room with pals like Danny Aiello, or Frank Gia. (Believe it or not, he knows people who aren’t Italian also! (LOL) me being one of them! Although I was cast as the original “Wannabe” in the hit play by Vince Gogliormella, ” Six Goumbahs And A Wannabe.”

Jeffrey Gurian of Comedy Matters TV with Cha-Cha at the Friars Roast of Jerry Lewis!

Jeffrey Gurian of Comedy Matters TV with Cha-Cha backstage at the Friars Roast for Don King!

The cast of the original “Six Goumbahs and a Wannabe”, and if you look closely in the 2nd row, you’ll see Jeffrey Gurian of Comedy Matters TV as The Wannabe! (LOL)

He was always a big comedy fan, and now he’s offering comedy shows at Cha-Cha’s on Mulberry Street, three nights a week with well known comics like Jim Mendrinos, Reverend Bob Levy from Howard Stern fame, Angry Bob, Ellen Karis, and a big fave of mine, Geno Bisconte, who I’m happy to say I brought to the attention of The Friars Club when I had him MC my book party for “Filthy, Funny, and Totally Offensive”. The shows are hosted by comic Heather Height and produced by comic David Harris. It’s a really fun time! (And GREAT food, .. needless to say! So if it’s needless to say, why did I say it??? LOLOL)

The Reverend Bob Levy from Howard Stern entertaining the crowd at Cha-Cha’s!

It’s at 113 Mulberry Street, Thursday thru Sunday. Doors open at 9 and the show starts at 9:30. Come and meet me there, and tell Cha-Cha I sent you!

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